Ouch. It hurts, huh? And how. The stars stop shining. Tons of whining. Oh woe, the pain. Cry. Worse than an actual blow. A daunting punch...BEING DUMPED. For some, it could possibly shatter the soul. Depends on how deep your love is or was for the person who dumped you. Actually, even if it was nothing but infatuation, I would think it would kind of dim down some of you bright, twinkly star signs. No? You sure it doesn't hurt? Stop pretending. Every body hurts. Everybody cries. R.E.M. song. Couldn't help it. Anyway, Let's find out, shall we? Quick...someone. Anyone. Get the violins out. Play a sad tune in the background for more effect. Let's whine away.

ARIES

Hmmmm...here comes the boom. Here comes the boom! With their massive ego-stroking needs, just imagine how much injury a rejection would cause. Wrong. The Rams are capable than most to get over you real quick. Pronto, pronto! So stroke your own egos and don't be hurt if they don't cry over you for days. Boohoo...uh, who?

TAURUS

Uh oh. Be prepared. The Bulls will fret and fume and stampede all over you. Think twice before you announce that they're not really the one for you. Expect a lot of stubborn denials. Expect latching on to. Expect a lot of snorting. No. Not the white powder kind. (Say no to drugs!) Just the kind where you are the red flag and they're snorting in fury aiming for you over being dumped. Here they come...RUN. Just run as fast as you can!

GEMINI

Duality is such a specialty. A blessing actually. Chances are the Twins will dump you before you dump them. Unless you're a Gemini too. Ha ha. Dump each other. Kidding, kidding. Just don't expect them to chase after you. They will move on. Fast and furious. Move on and never look back. So many fish in the sea, you see?

CANCER

Try dumping them. Just try it. You won't be able to. They won't let their pincers 'unpince' (just invented a new word) off of you. To them, dumping is blasphemy. You cannot insult the deep bond they have formed with you. How dare you! Be prepared to provide for tons of tissue boxes. Expect a lot of runny nose too, ewwwww!

LEO

No. Never. A lion or lioness being dumped? But but. Who dareth dumpeth themeth..th..thoo? Thou? Wow. You actually had the audacity to even break the news to them, huh? Suffer their wrath. Roar! Reject all ideas of rejection. Hard to show their hurt pride, but they will find a new devotee soon. Just make sure you break the news in a very humble way. Or they'll eat you alive.

VIRGO

Nitpicking nags. They got dumped. How can this be? They are oh, so perfect. Now the pain the breakup may cause will be even more so. Perfectly painful. It will hurt them beyond belief. Try going a bit easy on them. Cry they will. Nagging pain. Insane. Time will heal though.

LIBRA

Oh it's so not fair! Being dumped and all. It just isn't. To the Scales, a rejection doesn't make sense unless you present a case of pros and cons of why it's better to part your ways. Even then. It's just not fair. They will debate with you until they can debate no more. They will avoid conflict at all costs. Eventually, they will let go. Not fair.

SCORPIO

Heheheh. Heheheheheh. Heheh...uhm, you wanna mess with the devil? Go ahead. It would make for a superb Friday night horror flick. Dump them, dump them. I'm bringing out my popcorn. I love horror movies. Oh, did I scare you now? Well, tempt not fate. For the Scorpio will hate...you. Forever. And ever. Till death tear both of you apart.

SAGITTARIUS

Whaaaat? Did you actually get a Sadge to commit in the first place? Really? Wow. And now that you did the impossible, you want to go and dump them! Very stupid. Anway, here's some news. They won't mind. There's always greener pastures out there for the Centaurs to ride through. Galloping gallants. Goodbyes are so easy and breezy.

CAPRICORN

Capricornicuss will surely make a fuss. In a very business like manner though. They will present you with various options. Bribe you, perhaps? Meeting at 9am sharp about why not to dump them. Profits and gains. Why hanging on to them is the best plan ever. Hmmmm, I can see why you want to dump them. Hey! Wake up, wake up. This meeting is not over yet. Zzzzzzzz...huh...what?

AQUARIUS

The Water-Bearers will never show how hurt they are inside. Be kind. Be gentle. Make them understand your need to break free. Perhaps they will let go. They will hide the emotional blow. Eventually, they will let you go. You can be sure of one thing though. You will shake off the lover, but never the friend. You started off as friends. And you'll part ways as friends. Congrats, buddy.

PISCES

Slippery fishies? It wasn't real anyway. Phew. You won't need to dump them. They will dump themselves out of your life. Sooner or later. Into the calms of another ocean elsewhere. Possibly one created out of their saltine tears. A peaceful parting there after. They will not stop you from swimming away.